A Jacaranda Door
by Quandtuniverse
Summary: Edward learns why it's best to keep some doors closed! A semicrackish fic. Oneshot. Be warned!


**ZOMG I'M SO SORRY, MY DEAR WATCHERS AND REVIEWERS, I HAVEN'T UPDATED ANY OF MY STORIES IN FOREVER!** Really, I apologize. I've had issues. But now I'm BACK in the business! HUZZAH! So expect many new chapters and stories! Yay! 

Stupid title, I know, but I can't think of anything else...

Why is the door made of jacaranda wood? Because of this book I had to read once... Called "O Genio do Crime". Ever heard of it? Maybe. (The sequel is terrifying, seriously 00 I could barely sleep) Anyway, when one of the characters gets the hiccups, detective John Smith Peter Tony fires his gun at him to scare him, chipping off the wood from the bookshelves, and the guy complains 'cause it's made of jacaranda wood and it's expensive.

I know it has nothing to do with my story, so shush!

DISCLAIMER: ME NOT FMA MANGA ARTIST. GO AWAY LAWYERS.

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"AAAARGH!!!"

Someone was going crazy. That someone was Edward Elric, and he was going crazy because of one of the things he hated the most (except for milk and being called short): A locked door.

Locked doors meant secrets. They meant someone was trying to keep something from him. It was taunting him with its beautiful jacaranda wood and its perfectly crafted golden lock... It was a challenge, a challenge Ed wanted to take on very, very badly.

But luckily for the poor door, Ed wasn't alone. His brother Alphonse was in his way, blocking another, unlocked, door. In the room with them was Master Sergeant Kain Fuery. Nearly everyone in Central HQ was gone for the day, with a few officers working overtime. One such officer was Fuery, who had stayed behind to fix a couple busted radios and a broken telephone. Now, however, he had been left with the task of calming down the blond teen, and it was proving to be a lot harder than either of them had imagined.

"Brother, please," pleaded Al. He had to choose his words carefully. Anything he said could set his brother off like fireworks, and he was already pretty darn close to that.

Now one may think, if Ed hated locked doors, why didn't he bust into the other rooms in his hotel, or into random people's houses?

Because this was Colonel "Morally Bankrupt Bastard" Mustang's office door and it was fueling his hatred even more, that's why.

"I know it! I know he's in there! Let me go, dammit!" he shouted, adopting his famous 'I'm gonna kill you' stance.

"No, brother! Please calm down," said Al, waving his arms.

Fuery was exasperated and helpless. "If the Colonel locked the door, he has a good reason for doing so," he mumbled, trying to bring Ed to his senses.

"YES!" Ed roared. "And his good reason is PISSING ME OFF!"

Fuery yelped and cowered. Al remained at the doorway, his huge frame blocking Ed's path.

The three of them were in one of the record rooms, and the door Al was blocking led to a corridor. At the end of the corridor was the door, the jacaranda door with its golden lock Ed did not have a key to.

On the other side of the door...

"Ok, step back. No... OUCH! ...We really have to move this desk."

"Aye, chief." Wood creaked, and then, suddenly...

BLAM!

"What was that?" said Ed, dropping his guard for a second. But as quickly as he relaxed he tensed up again. "Allright! Now I REALLY want to get in!"He lunged towards the wall, and was about to clap his hands when Al grabbed his right arm and pulled it down, making his left hand miss by about a foot. He swung around in Al's grasp, causing Fuery to reel back over a desk and crash into a chair. As he scrambled back up, Ed pried himself loose and dashed through the now unblocked door.

Al spun around and ran after Ed, bringing him down with a sweep to the legs. Ed cursed as Al restrained him with one of his arms.

"Um..." started Fuery, peeking around the edge of the door. "If... If you really want to go in, Sheska has a spare key..."

Ed considered this. On one hand, he'd be able to get through the door to whatever was on the other side. On the other hand, it took away the challenge of getting through the door. It was like letting it win. But finally, he decided that a key would be better than blowing it up.

"Allright," he acquiesced, relaxing a little.

"I'll go get Sheska," said Al, getting up.

"I better fix that phone..." said Fuery, retreating back into the records room.

Ed was left alone in the middle of the corridor, when he heard a loud thump. Interest immediately peaked, he jumped up and placed his hands on the door, staring intently as though he could see right through.

Al was taking an awful long time to come back...

The wood felt so transmutable under his fingers...

Another thump.

ZZAAAAAPP!!!!

The scene before him was priceless. The office was not exactly messy, but it was disorderly, with the desks and chairs pushed against the walls. On the floor was Roy Mustang, and under him was Jean Havoc, looking very dazed.

A scene like that required one of two reactions. Ed was torn between the "point and laugh" and running away very quickly. But, since Ed was not one to run away easily, he pointed. And laughed. Very hard.

Roy and Havoc both tried to get up at the same time and, tangled, crashed over with a thud. Roy pushed Havoc aside and rolled, scrambling to his feet.

In the records room, Fuery stared intently at the dissected phone in front of him. There were a couple of tools scattered around as well. And though he tried to concentrate on his work, the sounds from down the corridor were hard to ignore. He really wanted to go check on Ed, but from the sound of the laughter, he wasn't sure he even wanted to know what was going on.

"Whoa, and you, Colonel, I thought for sure you'd go f-" Whatever Ed planned to say was brutally interrupted by a hand clapped firmly over his mouth. Against his better judgement, Fuery had sneaked up behind the boy to keep him from doing anything too drastic. What he saw wasn't too clear; the office was somewhat disorganized, and Roy stood, trembling, the expression on his face unreadable. Havoc was on all fours, pale and sweaty.

"Colonel... Lieutenant..." said Fuery, hesitantly. "Are... Why... What are you doing here after hours? I thought you went home?"

"I'wl t'll'w waff'r d'winn," said Ed, his voice muffled by Fuery's hand.

"What's going on here?" asked a tinny voice belonging to Alphonse Elric. Behind him was Sheska, holding a number of keys in her hands. She looked very confused.

"It's... that... Well..." stammered Roy, suddenly looking very angry. "Get out of here! There's a reason that door was locked!"

Ed chuckled. "Riiiiiiight..." By now he had yanked Fuery's hand off his mouth.

Snap!

A big fireball erupted from Roy's fingertips and shot straight at Ed, who jumped behind Al for cover. Fuery and Sheska grabbed each other and ducked, terrified.

Snap! Snap! Snap!

Fleeing the barrage of fireballs, the four dashed down the corridor, leaving Roy and Havoc alone in the office once more.

"Chief?"

"Yeah?"

"This is the last time I'll ever let you give me any dance lessons."

**THE END

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Teehee. Not bad for a 5 AM shower fanfic, don'tcha think? Please review. It encourages me to not keep you waiting. Here's a formula:

Update frequency spare time + ideas x reviews

So, review and I'll update more frequently (I have plenty of spare time and ideas)!


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